It's Here...

I can't even begin to describe the thoughts and emotions that have been raging through me these last few days. I'm nervous, I'm scared beyond imagining, and I'm excited. This all reminds me of my first half Ironman race. I remember that race morning I had a mixture of emotions too. I wanted to cry and throw up all at the same time, but once I got in the water and began my swim, I felt good and the butterflies went away. Then I just focused on enjoying my race, and that is what I need to focus on for Sunday: enjoying my race.

Thankfully this year I'm not sick!!! At least I have that going for me!!! (I raced last year's half Ironman sick. It sucked big time.)

The Beast is here. There is nothing else I can do to prepare. I don't know if I'm ready, but I can't change that fact between now and race day, so I might as well enjoy the adventure that I'm on. And yes, it will be painful. I can't even imagine the mental toughness and games I will need to play with myself to keep myself going on Sunday. But I want to keep going. I so BADLY want to reach that finish line!! And the SCARIEST part of this whole race is the not knowing. I don't know if I will finish. I don't know if I will get there. I believe I have a chance and can do it, but ANYTHING can happen.

And it's amazing the nervousness I feel. I know I did not train as I should have done for this race. I'm not in peak physical condition. I haven't gone the full distances in the bike or run this whole season, and I am basically a fool. Life got in the way of training, but here I am. I am days away from the BIGGEST challenge of my life to date, and there is nothing I can do about it. SO I might as well laugh, smile, and have tons of fun. I can cheer other people on and I can keep moving one step at a time. It's just a long workout Kelly. Sure you may not be ready, but just have fun anyways.

I went into Race for the Roses with that kind of a spirit and I had a BLAST AND my fastest half marathon time. So, maybe there is something to be said about that kind of an attitude?

I really have no idea how this race will test me. What do I have in me? Do I have what it takes to keep going? Do I have what it takes to reach the finish line in time? I don't know, but I want to find out. Actually, I have no choice. I WILL find out because this race is coming whether I want it to or not.

It's weird how this race is consuming. I couldn't focus at work today AT ALL and I'm sure that tomorrow will be worse since I'm leaving on Friday! I've even been dreaming about Ironman. At least in each of my dreams, I actually do get to the finish line (awesome!). Last night's dream was odd. I was in the transition from swim to bike but it was at night. My bike was missing (my friends were supposed to get it to me in time but it was still on it's way), so instead, I had to hop on a little kids bike and start riding. I was like, "man I hope my friends come soon with my bike because 112 miles on a single speed kids bike is going to be rough," but off I peddled anyway. It was weird.

I guess I just have to believe, right?! UGH!!! I don't even know what to say/write/think/feel/etc. Oh man, Ironman Coeur d'Alene, ready or not, here I come!